Consider it JOY

Genesis 2:18 – Then the Lord God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 

The Hebrew word used here : ezer kenegdo – essential collaborator; ezer is used in the bible to describe God as a rescuer and protector; emphasizing strength and support; kenegdo is translated to “corresponding to him” or “opposite to him“ opposite here meaning a complementary or opposing force that provides balance like the north and south poles or even a helper against him if he’s straining from God‘s path.

This combined meaning suggests a strong ally who is a perfect match an equal partner, and a lifesaver who stands alongside and helps the other person.

How beautiful is this? It sounds indestructible and impenetrable.

To the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy… This doesn’t sound so good.

The Fall : Genesis 3:16

Your desire shall be contrary to your husband but he shall rule over you.

This seemingly natural bend that we have to think we know better is quite literally part of the fall. 

Ladies, the calling on your husband is great. Being called to love your wife as Christ loved the church, to be the head of your house to be the holy priest of your home is a huge responsibility. How much does the enemy want to prevent him from walking out what God has called him to walk into? Your husband does not need help feeling discouraged or like he is not enough. He needs help to walk in all that God created him to walk in. We can do this by respecting him, this is the way he will feel most loved and cared for by us. There is an excellent resource in the book/bible study called Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs that was a huge blessing to me and my marriage. I highly recommend reading this and putting it in to practice.

Know this: if you don’t have a strategy to help your husband, the enemy does have a strategy to prevent you from helping him. 

In my life, this has looked like me feeling unloved, not cared for, as if I come last, and hearing everything he said through wounded ears. While some of these things were justified in some ways, many of them were just ways the enemy manipulated me. This leaves opportunities for us: we can choose love. We can choose to listen to what God says about us. We can remember how much we have been forgiven and extend that grace. We can also choose another route… bitterness, rage, passive aggressiveness, coldness. Let us be like Mary who chose the better thing. 

In seasons of my marriage when I chose to become bitter and lean in to the wounds, I had forgotten how much the Lord had forgiven me of. I had forgotten that God had forgiven me of much. I had taken my eyes off of Him.

Luke 7:47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” 

Ephesians 5: 1-2; 22-33 Our husbands are held to a high standard and he will be accountable to that. While it’s our job to support him and spur him on at times, it’s not our job to nag him or tell him how he’s not doing it right. Our main job is to walk in love and one of the ways we do this is by respecting him. This is what honors the Lord and he will be faithful to give you everything you need to do it, we need only to keep our eyes fixed on him.

1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 

So that they may be won by nagging, by telling him what he needs to do different, by saying the one more thing…..nope! Without a word. There is the prayer: Lord show me when to speak and when to shut up and pray (power of a praying wife). Get a prayer strategy and follow through. Does your husband make impulsive or foolish choices? Ask God to give him wisdom. Does your husband battle with addiction? Pray for freedom from that and bind it in the name of Jesus. Does your husband speak harshly to you or your children? Pray for the Lord to guard the gate of his mouth and for Holy Spirit to convict and convince.

This is picking up our cross. We were never once promised easy. This is where you own what you have as a daughter of the king. You are perfectly loved by Him. You are chosen, loved, and treasured. And so while you wait for your husband to own His identity in Christ…you own yours. This is showing him without words.

1 Cor.13:4-7 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  

Love never gives up.  

This is the standard and how He calls us to love. 

There was a time in my marriage where I very much wanted to give up. We were building a new business together and everything was going wrong. We were both under an insane amount of stress and pressure. Finances began to also become a problem. His sharp tongue had been so wounding to me and I could not release it – my ears were so wounded that even when he wasn’t lashing out I received as such. We were a mess. We had been arguing for days and I was on my way to church crying and praying and I decided right then at the stoplight at 150… I’m not going to fight with my husband any more. I’m going to fight for him. I walked into the church with my sunglasses on and was determined to just war in the spirit for my husband. As I worshipped (my sunglasses were off at this point mind you) everything went completely dark and I didn’t even hear the music anymore. I then saw a little boy about 8 or 9 years old curled up in the fetal position with a spotlight on him. He was sobbing. I asked, “who is that, Lord.” He answered, “that’s my son, Brian.”

After that, my prayer life completely changed for him, the way I saw him completely and not in a pitiful way but in a “wow…someone who is crying in the fetal position quite literally is incapable of loving me the way God says to.” So guess what… I had new eyes for him … compassionate ones. 

Leaving service that day, I knew God was asking me to love my husband the Corinthians way. Was it hard? Yes. Did pride within me have to die? Yes. Did expectations I had have to die? Yes. God understands this. He sent his only son to die for ME. I think He can strengthen me to die to these things. Something he asked me to do regularly was speak those verses in Corinthians over myself and place my name in place of “love.” This is quite convicting and a great heart check. This is the standard. Do I mess up? You bet. His mercy is made new every day. He loves me perfectly. The love I get from anyone else is just a cherry on top!

Knowing what the Lord has done for me, I know He can do it for my husband too. So I’ll partner in agreement with that. Since then, my husband has come to Christ and I have seen him walk in the peace of the Lord. He is on his way to loving me as Christ loved the church and leading our family with boldness. His journey with Jesus is his own. I needed to make room for that! No amount of nagging or arguing can do it. Not by power and not by might, but His spirit. It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance…not a wife saying “the one more thing.”

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Some of us got married thinking that we would be perfectly loved. The problem is that is impossible – perfect love only comes from the Father. 

Your marriage is a ministry. How about you move toward loving the way he calls us to and see what God does?